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AN AUTISTIC GUIDE TO OVERWHELM AND BURNOUT
Updated: April 14, 2025
Five days after I received my diagnosis I was exhausted.
I was still delighted by the diagnosis, but as the days went on, I became more and more tired.
I was no a stranger to this feeling and I knew what I needed to do to improve my energy levels, but it really sucked that I felt this way because of something amazing.
In fact, after any one of these occasions:
- A very sad occasion, such as a family funeral
- A very happy occasion, such as a family wedding
- A fun day out for my birthday; or
- Receiving a diagnosis that allowed 42 years of stress, anxiety and tension to leave my body
I feel exhausted a few days later while my body catches up with and processes all the emotions.
With autistic exhaustion, it is overthinking and an overload of emotions and/or activities that contributes to the overwhelm that can eventually lead to complete autistic burnout if not addressed.
When I was previously told I had depression and anxiety (a mental health disorder), it was the same overthinking that caused the anxiety attacks and eventually bouts of depression.
I was advised that best way to address this was to practice a different way of thinking (CBT) and to remain active.
However, these processes and activities just made things worse for me. The more I tried to think about things differently and try not to stop completely, the more I was inadvertently compounding my then undiagnosed autism.
Whilst anxiety is something that remains with me, I now recognise it is a symptom of being autistic, especially in certain situations. Being autistic is a way of being rather than a disorder, so cannot be treated or made better.
And nor do I want to be made ‘better’ or be any other way. I love the way I see the world and find joy in the most simple things. I would never want to change that, but occasionally I do need to manage it to survive.
What an autism diagnosis means for me
Although my official autism diagnosis was very new, I had been self-diagnosed for about 6 months and been considering it on and off for the previous three years.
In that time, I had done a LOT of research on autism in adults and, in particular, how it presents in women (mainly because I am an adult woman).
This research enabled me to understand myself better and start making small changes to my lifestyle to better suit my needs.
One of these changes was to start understanding the difference between autistic burnout and a mental health breakdown.
The latter I thought I had been experiencing (and was being treated for) and the former was actually what had happened.
My autistic burnouts had been caused by an accumulation of exhaustion and overwhelm that I had been trying to push through.
And in some ways I am relieved that it is ‘just’ overwhelm because I now know how best to manage this.
How I manage overwhelm to help avoid burnout
Effectively, I have to do the opposite of what I had been told to do for a mental health disorder. A disorder that can be treated, made better and, often, overcome entirely.
When I am overwhelmed and/or exhausted, I have to stop completely and allow my body time to recover from whatever has happened.
And the sooner I can recognise this and put measures in place, the quicker I can recover and, most importantly, avoid spiralling towards a complete burnout again.
You could think of this overwhelm as a mini burnout that ‘only’ lasts for a few days to a week, rather than months or even years.
In any case, my process is the same:
Remove anything that is not absolutely necessary from my day
- For me, this is any social commitments, which are extremely minimal anyway and only with people who know I may cancel at the last minute
- I will reduce my level of exercise, if I even have the energy to do any at all
- As I am self employed, I class work as necessary, but I will cancel or reschedule this if I really don’t think I can manage it
- I do usually shower every day, but this might be the only thing I do that day
- I rarely get dressed into regular clothes unless I have to go out, so pyjamas or lounge pants are standard, but more so during a state of overwhelm or exhaustion.
Be strict with my bedtime
- I make sure I start getting ready for bed at 8.30pm
- This is what I like to do anyway, but the better I start feeling, the later my bedtime gets
- Allowing my bedtime to slip is probably how the overwhelm starts building, so is something I incorporate into my management plan.
Prioritise things that make me feel good (in this order)
- For me, not getting at least 9 hours of sleep every night negatively affects every other part of my life, so this is my number one priority in any period of burnout or overwhelm
- I also love my food. And by that I literally mean MY food. I eat the same foods most days and weeks because I know what I like, I enjoy eating it, and it makes shopping very easy
- My diet is also relatively healthy and accommodates my dietary needs so it helps nourish me, which is what helps me feel good
- I avoid social media. I am very selective over what platforms I use anyway, but in any form of burnout or overwhelm, I don’t need to see how well other people are portraying their lives and businesses
- You could argue this ‘should’ be my first priority, but in reality, scrolling is one of my biggest stims, which helps me to get through the day in the very beginning of any form of burnout or overwhelm (when I don’t always realise I’m heading towards this state).
If I can get my sleep and food right for a few days, then I usually start feeling less overwhelmed pretty quickly.
Logically, this suggests that I should prioritise this ALL the time, but when things happen in addition to my usual routine, my executive function takes a hit and I can’t process what I otherwise know is logical for my own wellbeing.
Plus, whilst I know ‘overdoing it’ can result in overwhelm or exhaustion, in reality it can get a bit boring sticking to my rules, so I will sometimes choose to enjoy myself and manage the consequences later.
Once my sleep and food is back on track, you might think that, as a runner, the next thing I’d do is to go for a run.
Whilst I LOVE running, it does take a lot of physical and emotional energy to actually enjoy it, so I tend to leave this a bit longer and maybe even choose exercise that is more suited to my overall capacity level.
Instead, things that help re-regulate me are:
- Tidying and cleaning. This might sound like hard work, but in reality it’s very minimal and therapeutic
- It usually starts with picking up things I’ve left on the floor by my sofa or bed and putting them away
- If it’s sunny and I can see dust settling, then dusting can be very satisfying
- Finally, a surface clean of the bathroom is usually essential (to me) and therefore rewarding
- All of this will usually take me most of one day and is all I will do that day.
- The next thing I like to do (either a day, several days or week after the above routine, depending on how I feel and other commitments) is change the bedding
- I am quite happy in the same bedding for several weeks, until I have the capacity to realise it’s been the same for several weeks or it begins to smell, and then I have to change it there and then!
- Next I focus on the washing. When I am functioning normally for me, there is usually enough washing for a load a day when you take into account running kit, work washing and regular clothes
- When I’m in a burnt out or overwhelmed state, I wear less clothes and/or it builds up more and/or my other half does it
- When I’m starting to emerge from my period of burnout or exhaustion, I pay more attention to this and like to do it myself (my other half does it perfectly well, but I do like to do it my way!)
- When all of this is in order, I’m usually feeling up to returning to whatever exercise I was doing pre-episode
- My first session back, more often than not, feels hard work, even if I do it relative to my fitness and energy levels
- However, after that, it (usually) falls back into place and feels effortless again.
And then I’m back to my normal when all this happens as part of my usual routine without having to think about it too much.
Until something else happens to disrupt my routine and the process starts again.
SUMMARY
This is my personal experience of how I try and recognise feeling overwhelmed so that I can re-regulate myself before I hit a full burnout again.
Although there will be some similarities, especially in the effects of burnout on each autistic person, the triggers and regulation methods will vary.
It is also important to acknowledge that, even if an autistic person is not in burnout, or even feeling overwhelmed, this is only because they have worked really hard to regulate themselves and their life.
Being in a regulated state does not mean they are not affected by their autism, or situations and events that have previously caused meltdowns, overwhelm and burnout, it means they have spent years developing a life that works for them so they can better cope with things outside of their usual routine.
Whether you are exploring the possibility that you are autistic yourself, would like to support someone else, or are interested in understanding a bit more about this process, it’s important to remember that obtaining a clinical diagnosis is not possible or wanted by everyone.
In an ideal world, no-one would need to have a diagnosis in order to be heard by all the people who have denied support.
But, sadly, this is still the reality for many late and un-diagnosed autistic adults. The process is difficult because you have to expose everything you find difficult in your life and share all the things you have struggled with before this point.
And the waiting list for a non-private assessment is several years in the UK.
Some people are able to self-identify as autistic, but for others the ‘formal’ diagnosis is required to obtain the support they desperately need.
LEARN MORE ABOUT ADULT AUTISM
If you would like to learn more about autism, and particularly how it presents in women and girls (which can be very different to boys), I would highly recommend the following resources:
- Girls and Women and Autism: What’s the difference, by Sarah Hendrickx
- Aspergirls, by Rudy Simone (available in paperback and audiobook)
- Following hashtags on Instagram, such as #ActuallyAutistic #AutisticAdult #AutismAwareness and #AutismCommunity. Most of these are also on other social media platforms.
- Following accounts on Instagram, such as @embrace.autism (with research-based information) @autistic_at-40, @livedexperienceeducator, @jesdiverges, @autistic_therapist, and @squarepeg.community (which is also a great podcast)
DO YOU NEED SOME SUPPORT WITH EXPLORING YOUR NEURODIVERGENCE?
Whether you are exploring the idea that you might be autistic and/or ADHD, have received a diagnosis and don’t know what to do next, or would like some support to unmask in different areas of your life, I will provide a compassionate and empathetic space for you to discover who you really are.
The first step is to book a free discovery call. This is a Teams video chat where we’ll get to know each other, talk about where you are, what changes you’d like to make, and how I can help you.
Alternatively, if you would like to know more about how I can support you, please either send me a message or email [email protected].